Tuesday, September 02, 2014

New Series: FindingFaith Welcome Faith & HER STORY #NEVERSETTLE

Hello Colorblind Blog fans! I'm SO excited and SO grateful to Shana for allowing me to be a part of her amazing blog! Welcome to Finding Faith! Some of you know me from Shana's videos and blog, but you may not really know much about me. So let me start by sharing my story, and the goal of my contribution to colorblind. I'm not going to bore you with my entire life story, but I will fast forward to a life turning event that has led me to where I am today. This is something that I have not openly talked about with people that I'm not extremely close to, for many reasons, but I feel like I'm ready, and that it is time.

Right after I turned 40, I noticed some changes in my eyesight that started to concern me. Specifically a dark spot near the center of my vision. I went to the eye doctor, then to a retina specialist. The news was devastating. Apparently I had a rare hereditary eye disease called stargardt's. Basically what that means was I was losing my central vision and would eventually be legally blind. Now, when you get news like that, you go through stages of adjusting. It was like grieving a loss or death in a way. Depression, anger, fear, feeling sorry for myself, wanting others to feel sorry for me, feeling hopeless. I was pretty messed up for a good solid year. At first I was telling EVERYONE about it, then I shifted into keeping it a secret. I think I did that because I felt like no one really understood and it actually made them feel uncomfortable. I also wanted to live in denial a little, and I figured it didn't do me any good to dwell on the negative. 

Then, I decided to start working out. Hardcore, with a trainer, to compete. I didn't realize it then, but now I believe it was my way of trying to have some sense of control over my body that I felt was betraying me. And it changed my life in amazing ways that I never could have imagined. It has helped with my depression and anxiety (which I have always struggled with). It has helped me feel stronger, and more confident. I have surprised even myself with the level of determination that I am actually capable of. An unexpected blessing that actually means more to me than anything is that I have seen how the positive changes I made have inspired others. I have seen friends, family, and people I don't even know make positive, healthy changes. Nothing feels better than someone reaching out to me saying that they started working out, eating better and getting fit and healthy as a result of seeing what I have been doing. I have slowly begun to look at my diagnosis as a gift. I look at the world a little differently and cherish each day that I have to do the things I may have been putting off. I have been painting more, trying new things and finding my own unique style. I owe so much to Shana for this as well, she has been a source of inspiration, and my partner in crime in checking things off my bucket list. Shana has been there to listen to me vent on bad days, (I still have MANY of those), always encouraging me to see the positive. She has also been there to celebrate my victories, and to give me straight up and honest feedback (no girl, don't wear THAT! Lol!)
So hopefully my story can help anyone struggling with those things in life that you feel you have no control over, whatever that may be. We all have something to overcome. I'm not going to focus on what I have no control over, but instead on using what I have been given to create my own unique and beautiful life. I will share my projects and artwork with you, my fitness journey, recipes, decorating ideas, DIY's, my attempts at my new BOHO chic style, new adventures (hopefully traveling to fun places can be added to that) and whatever else tickles my fancy. I believe that life is meant to be lived to the fullest and enjoyed. So join me on my journey of FINDING FAITH. Try new things with me, find YOUR style, your creativity, your passion. No judgements, no expectations. Make it FUN. Do things that scare you, that challenge you, let go of getting it right all time and take chances! Discover your own way of FINDING "FAITH" and being COLORBLIND!!

Creatively yours, 


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