Wednesday, November 13, 2013

A Piece of me...


Small disclaimer...this is a long one...so grab a cup of coffee..your oats and egg whites...haha stay a while...

For the most part I am a pretty happy, positive, motivated person...but like many I find myself completely wrapped up in what I like to call "life" I am so fortunate to have my health and my family and friends...and I am constantly faced with others tragedies and down falls on a daily basis in my career. Aside from all of that...I have tried to be a good wife, friend, and mother to my furry babies...but somewhere along the way I forgot to take care of myself...and felt as though I would never be able to be everything to every one...and that is when I finally decided that it was time to make a change. We all reach our breaking points..for some it takes longer and well for me...it happens like 15 times in your lifetime and I'm only 33.

I would go all the way back to childhood but I was clearly fine with being me...I was also fine with being photographed by my father who was a photographer...I was obviously showing my outfit here....I was picked on a lot in school...Was I white? Mexican? My nose was too big...and I was a good girl...It was very hard...I would go home crying...and praying for them to stop making fun of me...it lasted almost all through junior high... but it was never really about my weight...
I started classical ballet training when I was 7 so I was a little old....but man did I love it...I was good too...I remember getting Honors in every exam for the first 5 years. That is the highest...Can you pick me out? 

As most dancers or any active teenager I was obsessed wtih my weight and body...I was always the tallest...biggest footed...largest legged girl in everything...I was strong and muscular...but back then...I HATED it...

I danced for over 20 hours a week....and I probably could have danced more if it wasn't for all of the other things I was involved with... 

Before the, BEFORE picture,which we will get to later... there is a BEFORE picture of a girl who only ate tuna, lettuce, promax bars, and occasional pita and hummus and LOTS AND LOTS of coffee and alcohol...I never slept and I was determined to graduate with a 3.5 in college after letting my 4.0 slip in my first semester where I discovered wine and tequilla...yep...no fake id for this VEGAS girl...I got drunk for the first time in college...I was a straight A student so all this madness was new to me. I was a classically trained ballerina, jazz dancer and all things movement...I played the viola in the chamber orchestra and was a musical theatre major and THESPIAN nerd at its best... Let's not EVEN discuss what I am wearing..and my hair...oh my hair...


FAST FORWARD 5 years I found myself in love with the man of my dreams, and embarking on a career path that would soon lead me to where I am today.4 months in.... he proposed....

LIFE...as I mentioned before...suddenly crept in...and BAM
My mother was revisited by her ailment that almost didn't allow her to have my sister and I. An ailment caused from Rheumatic fever...and found herself with 3 metal valves at the age of 23..I felt my heart sink knowing that it was time...that day I dreaded from when I was 8 was finally here...I knew she wouldn't be here forever but boy did the time go by fast...

I married my hubby a year later and no more than 6 months had gone by and my mother passed...I sometimes feel like she waited until after the wedding...but who knows...

 FAST FORWARD AGAIN so you guys aren't totally wondering what the heck this all has to do with me showing my scantily clad body to the world, sharing pictures of yes... MY CHICKEN on social media, and totally engulfed in selfies that show my veins and biceps... I found myself in an overindulgent...self deprecating behavior that I couldn't really control. While I still worked out and ate a somewhat balanced diet...I was drinking wine and staying up eating pita chips and hummus till I wanted to barf! Ughhh I watched hours of television...it was bad...

I enrolled into the MBA program after my sister had talked me into it when she was a counselor there...slowly my brain function had returned and I was motivated and inspired...I can't help it..I am a sucker for school supplies, sticky notes, and anything that gives me instant gratification after I work hard...I graduated with a 4.0 and I was on top of the world..I had lost about 10 lbs and was feeling good until....


well until that night when we were out with our friends and Edwina and I ran into a friend of my hubby's...now he doesn't know this...but he changed our world...in that very instant...

FRIEND: you ladies look great ...he exclaimed...
US: thanks! We have been hitting the gym hard... we squeeled with excitement
FRIEND: Well I can definitely see that you are starting to workout
US: WAIT WHAT? You can't tell we workout?
FRIEND: Well I can tell you are active...

By that point we were so pissed we had stopped listening to him...he went on and on about how we had nice bodies but we were fuller and active...umm I was looking for RIPPED and FIT... We gave him the double hand and flick and walked off with our almost too tight to wear in public dresses we had thrifted for $1..We will show him..if only he knew HOW MANY PUSH UPS I can do..and how long I can hold that exercise to that USHER Song in our class on Saturday...we will show him...

It was that night I went home and both Edwina and I cried for like 20 minutes...we looked at the pic above and realized while we were strong...we were not feeding our bodies what it needed to show on the outside. I contacted Claudia Aquino of Body Revision by Claudia. a coach I had been a secret lurker of since I was 16...and I immediately started training the next month...no joke..

I worked my butt off for 18 weeks....well...I LITERALLY worked my butt off...it disapeared...who have thought...my BUTT which I never had a hard time getting rid of...WAS GONE...it wasn't pretty...
I was embarrassed and didn't want to go through with it...but I did... and I kept going....

I have been consistent for over a year and a half and working with Haute Shots Boudoir Photography as the Spokesmodel has changed how I feel about my body...

FAST FORWARD 18 months today...

 I was in Marshalls and a women stopped to tell me she admired my body and how strong I looked and said you must work very hard...inspiring...

I nearly fell into her arms with tears....funny how we all just want people to see who we are from the outside.
That we are strong,
Funny
Smart
Passionate
Kind
Caring

It had taken me a loooooong time...but I am finally..ALMOST at peace with my body and who I am/..I say almost because...when are we really going to be content?

I started a Bodybuilding.com account and started posting pics to hold me accountable. I competed, to add to the list...and fell in love with the process and this life... Finally

I had spent almost two years trying to show this guy that I was strong on the inside and freaking ripped on the outside...and funny..last night I had an epiphany...the only person I proved my worth to was ME. How silly does it sound that a STRANGER caused so much anger and hurt in me that I decided I was going to make a change...why couldn't I have made that decision on my own? I had been in denial thinking that maybe I could never BE one of those women on Instagram that everyone looked up to...well...I am happy that he did what he did and I am happy that I made a change...


The #BoudoirBodyChallenge is a more recent challenge where myself and women of all walks of life join in to make a change...whether big or small.... There are over 250 who have joined thus far and we are all in this together...we all have gone through different life struggles and we are going after the same thing...HEALTH and Happiness... Every day is a challenge and there is something satisfying by knowing that we are all human and that we all get down and lose motivation or slip up and "cheat" but getting back on track is what has brought me here...and the ladies of the #BBC is what is keeping me going....It was time to make a new goal.

This past week I decided I would set a new goal for myself after competing last year and changing my life....I mean I came in nearly last place...but my photo to me says I came in first...cuz it was what I set out to do...so I am going to embark on some new challenges and goals...I will be competing in another show...one that is so big I am sure they won't have room for me on the stage...hey...as long as I get a good picture out of it I am can see the progress and keep striving to better myself. and to the friend who shall remain nameless...THANK YOU for telling the truth and in Edwina's words letting us have it....cuz sometimes we just need to hear it like it is for us to make a change...

I posted this on Instagram and Twitter for the world to see and it is still hard for me to even look at...

and remember...TAKE CARE OF YOU...so that you can be better for everyone else...once you do that there will be no room for judgement of others... Everyone has a different circumstance...but we all can make a change and the only one who is going to do it ...is YOU!

Anyway thanks for listening to me rant...I feel like sometimes I just don't have time to write or talk so I post a pic here or there and that's it...I am vlogging my journey in this crazy life and you can check out my Youtube Channel Colorblind Fitness or Thrifters Anonymous my other channel if you want to follow along.

While I certainly jumped around a lot and didn't go over everything I hope this gives you a little piece of me...xoxo
I am a little but out of sorts but all I know is I am going to keep going...and never look back....

Love you all, and thank you for telling me like it is and being my friends and family through this journey.

and if you want to join the #TheBoudoirBodyChallenge visit us HERE on Facebook ...you can be a secret lurker or chime in when you want...to learn more about it visit Haute Shots HERE!

There is also a great special running right now for the holidays to book a session and get your book before Christmas plus 3 images and free gifts... You can learn more about that HERE.





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6 comments

  1. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

    -Buddha

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for sharing your story! You have been an inspiration and I have loved being able to follow along on your journey.

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  3. You're beautiful. What great inspiration for me for after baby.

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  4. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! I laughed, I cried, I cried more and then more again. I can relate to so much of it and I just want to give you a huge hug! I'm so proud of you on so many levels and I'm excited about this new life you've made for yourself. Keep up the hard work and let's own that stage in 4 1/2 weeks! :)

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  5. This was a great post... might I add, I think you looked fab at EVERY stage of your life!

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THANK YOU to everyone for making me laugh and smile everyday! I love reading every comment and will always do my best to reply!
Love Always,
Shana

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