Thursday, July 26, 2012

5 Years



Today marks 5 years since I lost my best friend...it came all too quickly..yet not fast enough....these past few months have been a world wind of emotion...and it seems all too fitting that today is the day I lost her. This past weekend I set a goal and I went for it...something I haven't done since my mother passed. See she was the one that always kept me focused...kept me motivated...and when I lost her something inside of me disappeared...This journey has been so much more than just working out.. but getting healthy...and really LIVING life. Though days are often better than others and let's be honest...that turkey sandwich on wheat with approximately 5 oreos and a glass of wine...was pretty darn good...the sacrifice and compromise was nothing in comparison to that of her struggle to fight for her life...My mom was the HEALTHIEST unhealthy person on the planet...a clean eater since birth...my mother created a wellness program for those who wanted to get fit for life...she had her PhD and educated many on the benefits of holistic living...unfortunately she grew up in a time where treating an illness was not fitting and her valves in her heart soon deteriorated after suffering from Rheumatic fever..told by many doctors she could not have children...she spent years taking care of herself..filling her body with natural foods and staying active..10 years later...she had me....and when they told her that she shouldn't have another child...she had my sister....and when they told her she wouldn't live longer than 10 years...she lived 20....I never saw the fight or the struggle..or the sacrifice she made until she was no longer here...that's life right...maybe that's why I get more motivated when someone tells me I can't or shouldn't...

That's ME! 




Today, five years ago I got a call from Stanford telling me that my mom went into cardiac arrest after a MAJOR surgery to repair her valves...something the doctors told her not to do...but she did...all for us...I can't express how much I miss her in words...so I will continue to FIGHT...and SACRIFICE...to LIVE everyday...and GO for EVERYTHING I want...the morning she passed almost 20 gallons of water flooded the ICU...It RAINED today five years ago..when it should have been sunny...some say the water was a way of connecting her to us...our family holds this to be a connection to her...that is why this picture meant so much to me...the words...the water...Sorry if I am not making any sense...I am always at a loss...my family my friends always come to our side during this time..and I am so blessed to have them...I'm sad...but I'm ok. I will play my music a little louder today....I will smile a little bit more today...I will share stories of her life...and more importantly....I will keep on this journey to get in shape... because sometimes even the healthiest..and strongest...end up leaving us...but at least then..you are LIVING. Love you guys! and thank you for being my long distance friends...now if we can figure a way to get all of you guys here to Vegas and Thrift the heck out of this place! 
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11 comments

  1. Wow Shana! I am in tears. I didnt realize what the water meant until now. I really give all the credit to God, that he used me to give you something you needed.

    You are such an inspiration for so many! Maybe you can inspire me too. I could use it!

    Love you! xoxo

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  2. Beautiful.
    I love you and Michelle.
    Praying for your hearts :)
    Leslie

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  3. Thank you for sharing. Beautiful! I have no words simply beatiful! Thanks for all the inspiration.

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  4. the pain never goes away we just learn to stray strong with happy memories, and never letting go in our hearts, i have no relationship with my mother so i cant image the pain,
    but this christmas eve, will be 10 years since my nana passes, and every year it hurts like crazy, in fact i was just a block away, just a min away form seeing her before she passed, and the what ifs try to kill me all the time, like if i had my shoes on and jacket like i should of instead of lagging would i have been able to say i love you just one more time :(
    but we cant let the negtive win, we much enjoy the joy they gave us.

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  5. So pretty, beautiful outfits and lovely pics.
    Parfum pas cher

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  6. You all are gorgeous women- she's living on through you. I'm sorry you are going through this and one day, you will see her again! *hugs*

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing that. You ladies are very beautiful--gosh your mom looks so fabulous! I can't imagine how you feel but sending you virtual hugs and if I was in Vegas I definitely would love to go thrifting with you :)

    Mandi

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  8. Shana,

    First of all, your mom was absolutely GORGEOUS! Just stunning. I tell you that you're pretty all the time and now I know where you and your sis got your good looks. I'm really sorry that your mom went through so much but from what I read here it seems that those things made her into such a strong person (while at the same time setting a fine example for you to never give up). She sounded like an extraordinary person. I hope you have a wonderful day full of love and peace!

    Stay strong and beautiful! God Bless!

    xoxo

    Azu

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  9. I just read this post today. Your mother was a very beautiful lady inside and out. As a mother (and now grandmother) myself of 3 amazing young adult men, including a set of twins, who had heart damage from Rheumatic Fever and was told I should never have children, I understand her love for you and your sister and her desire to be a great mom to you both. I am sure that her most precious moments here were spending them with your family. She was given a great gift in you girls and you in her also. Treasure the memories Sweetie and know that she is watching over you and loves you.

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THANK YOU to everyone for making me laugh and smile everyday! I love reading every comment and will always do my best to reply!
Love Always,
Shana

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