Tuesday, July 26, 2011

A Long Road Ahead...

Skirt Banana Republic
{Outfit Details and pictures to be continued}
I guess subconsciously I knew today was coming...I started editing my pictures from this amazing shoot we had last week...yet i wasn't sure why I was feeling so bad...I hate to even bring it up but somehow I feel I have to. I started blogging originally trying to find some sort of outlet when my mom passed away...Today is the infamous day...and yet I forgot that it was.

I am sure everyone who has lost someone remembers the day they found out...but it is almost surreal...like everything stopped and stood still...nothing mattered...NOTHING...amazing right? I mean we go through life stressing out, and watching the days fly by...but when you lose someone...EVERYTHING is in slow motion...I can only remember picking up the phone to hear my sister crying...she could hardly get the words out before the on call support got on the phone to tell me what was going on. I just kept saying "NO...wait...she was ok yesterday...NO" ughh...I was at work running around the office looking for my dad...he ran down stairs and took me outside... he was so brave...he immediately booked a flight to California. My husband ran to me outside of our office and drove me to my best friends house and I just sat there. She was amazing...I was a mess.

Our small family quickly migrated to my grandpa's (papa) and we just sat there. It was like all the fighting and struggling had been released and the reality had yet to sink in. I'm not sure if it is just me, but I am not sure it has even sunken in? Everything else was a blur...My sister flew back from California and we literally began taking thousands of pictures and putting them in frames and making collages...I know it sounds crazy, but it was like I couldn't stop...Today almost 4 years ago...I lost my mom...and I will forever be grateful to my friends and family who have helped me through this journey, it has been one and will continue to be. My grandpa looked at me, almost 82 years old 4 years ago and said "I miss my mom everyday, and I am 80" ughhhh that's a long time PAPA! but it just goes to show you...doesn't matter how old you are...it hurts just the same.

Not sure how I got into fashion and blogging...but I guess it was inspiring...and I have slowly realized how fashionable my mom really was...I wear almost all of her purses...I have some other pieces that I want to wear but I am just not quite there yet. Everyone is so sweet with their comments and emails...yet I somehow wish to forget this day. I don't want to remember it, but it is a part of life...I thank you for listening as always, I promise to show more pics from this amazing photo shoot in one of my favorite place in Las Vegas and another one of my mom's bags!

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13 comments

  1. Kisses on your forehead Shana! xoxoxoxox

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  2. I think it's great that you found such an inspirational outlet in blogging.The passing of someone dear is so hard on everyone

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  3. Awe Shana - here is a BIG HUG! I am so happy you blog, you are such an inspiration!

    xo Nav
    http://navlandstyle.blogspot.com/

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  4. Love to you and your family! I wish I could hug you!!

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  5. you are a strong and beautiful lady and it is so good to hear that you have such a great family and support system. I am so sorry for your lose.
    jess
    www.jesscauseblog.blogspot.com

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  6. Sending e-hugs your way for this honest post.

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  7. Aww Shana. It is true, my parents still miss my grandmas and my grandpa even still misses his mom. There is no replacement for a lost parent. All we can do is love those ones we have still. My heart goes out to you.

    Sophia

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  8. :( I'm sorry for my late post. I knew what today was. I just wish I was there with you. *HUG*

    I love you.

    Dawnya

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  9. Awww Shana boo...I want to give you a big hug and wipe away your tears and tell you that its going to be okay...that your mom is looking down on you, smiling because you're beautiful, because you have taken this tragic incident and from it you've created a very powerful outlet that inspires so many of us each day. I know it's hard and it's perfectly normal to think about her everyday. Just remember that she's safe and in a much better place than here.

    Smooches hun. Keep your head held high!

    http://thriftyandshameless.blogspot.com

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  10. Thinking of you, dear. I'm sure it will never get any easier, but how lucky you are to have found an outlet that helps you express yourself and still feel a connection to your mom :)
    xox,
    Cee

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  11. Hugs to you. I empathize your loss.

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  12. Big hugs Shanna. I lost my mom just last month and I can't imagine there will ever come a time when I won't miss her.

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  13. I am sending a hug across the blogsphere. What an amazing family you have. Your mom is proud of you and watching over you!

    Sincerely,

    Julie

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THANK YOU to everyone for making me laugh and smile everyday! I love reading every comment and will always do my best to reply!
Love Always,
Shana

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